Here We Go On the Diet Road...Again

This blog, my first blog, is solely being used for accountability. Even if no one ever reads it, I will face it-and myself-everytime I post on it. This isn't enjoyable for me, it's actually quite painful because for some reason even though I'm fat, and have been my entire life, recognizing it out loud is difficult. I never thought that about superficial reasons for caring that my body had ballooned into what it is now but ever since having our son two and a half years ago, my weight has been on my mind. I don't have high blood pressure, diabetes, or any of the other "fat person maladies" but they will come. At 33, they are coming closer and closer and I am petrified of leaving our son before I should simply because I wanted an extra serving of pasta, just one more (dozen) cookies, or a hot fudge sundae. I'm not proud of being here but I have to be. When you look at me you know I'm fat. When I look in the mirror I see that I'm fat. For me to tell "you" that I'm fat is a big deal, a huge deal. There is a secret hope that I have that you will think that maybe I'm just a little-or a lot- big boned. The secret is now out and I have to be accountable for it. I am more than a hundred pounds overweight. I haven't seen the 100's since probably freshman year in high school. I am still too ashamed to put on here how far I've let myself go, for now, let's just say my first goal is 100 lbs. Once I lose that, I'll let you know where I've come from.
I have to say that this blog, which will be very personal about myself only, is dedicated to a few people who are in my life each and every day. To my partner Judi who is extremely supportive of my losing weight but has always accepted me with the "as is" sticker that came stamped on my forehead, my dearest friend in the whole worl J.L.W. for adding much humor and understanding in my life and for introducing me to the world of blogging (although she does it much better and much more professional than I ever will), my mother for putting a "fear in me" about my weight-and for being an awesome weight loss example (dad too!), to Ann for always offering me ways of "getting out of the house" and get moving with our sons A & A, and to my son, my lovely boy, who has inspired me to look outside of myself-at myself-to see the road that I was traveling down wasn't one that would take me very far into his adulthood. That has to change.